A lot has happened since my last post. A lot I am not sure I wish to share. I would really REALLY like to figure out how to link my pinterest account to this dang blog. This year I chose to not revisit Memo's death. It is just too painful. Yes another year is gone by since he has been gone. Zoey girl is doing well. She is now adventuring out into the outside world. Inside a horse fence of course. Fortunately she is not a climber so the 1 acre area works. She is even hunting. I had to wash her face the other day as she had blood on her muzzle.... GROSS! In March we put Spotty down. I prefer not to go into details but lets just say he was getting old and couldn't get around very well anymore. I miss him so. The house is much quieter without him. But we still hear him bark. Cindy Lou hears it because she responds back. Even Dave hears him although he is very reluctant to admit lol. We have had some health scares with Miss Moo. Her tummy upsets easy and when gets stress gives herself an ulcer.... bleeding ulcers. She is good now but please people, always ask the owner if you can give their pets people food. Never assume. Every time someone assumes around Moo, it is a $300 visit for me not to mention makes her tummy a little worse.
Wedding plans are under way for July 12, 2014. As of this point they are still tentative but will make a final decision by December. I will explain why later. We have decided on a rustic casual at a local refurbished barn. Dave and I talked yesterday and he would like to wear blue jeans with a nice shirt. Guess I know what my colors are now lol. Flowers will be done by a local flower farmer and we will have the most eloquent pig roast. Yes another request of Dave's. After all, it is his wedding too :). Fortunately for those attending who wish not to eat pig there will be plenty of other good eats. I feel we have pinned down a photographer, but now are looking at music. Dave would like a piano man but I would prefer a live band. We have a little bit of time but I think that will be my next decision to make or research to do rather.
I had a new nephew born in December of 2012. My little chicken nugget will be 1 this year! I can't believe it. He is total boy and gets into everything... I love it! He gets along well with his big brother who just entered kindergarten. The transition went so well with the exception of being exhausted after school. I chalk it up to keeping him in a learning and social environment since he was 2 or 3 months. The baby is doing the same and is more advanced than others his age because of the good choices my brother and wife made. Keep in mind, what works for them, may not work for other families... don't mean to offend anyone. But if this is something you can do, I highly recommend it. Even from a psychological perspective. It truly is best for the child to be in an social environment and not secluded daily from other kids. This is a topic for another day so I will get off my horse now. :)
So with talking about the new ones coming into the family, I have been working on that for 2 years. I am reluctant to speak too much about it. Not many know. My concern is that people will constantly hound me about what is going on. I have told a few people and every so often I get, "are you pregnant yet? Everyone I know is pregnant...what about you?" Seriously? I have begun to refrain to speaking about it because if you are not in the situation you just don't understand. I got pretty tired of having to explain and people trying to tell me to relax and thinking I was obsessing. That is the most offensive thing one could really have to deal with. I truly want to tell all of them to fuck-off, you are not in my shoes, you have no idea what it is like to go through what I have. I even talked to Elizabeth about this, who is sooooo validating by the way. She said there is nothing wrong with having those feelings of irritation and who are they to keep asking or tell you not to make it a big deal. She even dropped the F bomb herself when I was telling her. Cracked me up! This lady is like 75 years old! So instead I politely told them to back off without dropping the F bomb. No one had any bad intentions. I just allow those comments and questions to put me in a uncomfortable and unsafe place to discuss my feelings and events surrounding the issues enhancing the anxiety 10 fold! And yes it is not their fault, it is mine. I accept responsibility for allowing myself to fall into that dark place. Besides, it was my bad for sharing. How could I even expect them to understand really. On both sides, it was just another set of assumptions people thought was ok. I have done the same thing. I am no angel and this process has taught me to watch my tongue in more way than one It is not been pretty and for those who I have offended, again I am sorry. But life is about learning and sometimes people hurt others by mistake and most learn from them. Since then, my world has been a much nicer place and I chose to share my challenges with those who are dealing with the same things. It is such a small world. So many around me have dealt with infertility and I had no idea. Talking about it did have its perks. I found out some of may family and friends had similar issues. Some other time I will go into details of the journey but not today. Lets just say, our persistence will pay off sooner than later and of course will probably happen smack dab in the middle of the wedding which is totally ok... not a bad reason to keep you wedding date tentative aye?
Another assumption this year that I made poorly was that after our fall family picnic last year I didn't think twice about seeing family and friends again. Somehow I didn't get to say goodbye to Uncle Jack. We just missed each other. It happens all the time, no big deal right? You will see them again. I never got to see Uncle Jack again. Once again, it happened. Just like other family members. My mother, Aunt Jill, my friends Senor, Danny, Adam, and more than I care to mention. God reached down and grabbed my God-Father like the others. Like it was nobody's business. This really was the saddest part of the year. I don't even know what to say really about death. Life is the most dangerous assumption one can ever make and never one moment should be taken for granted. In my head I hear Uncle Jack saying "Shelly, don't you let those people pester you about having a family because it will come. In your own time it will come." The funny thing is, I can actually hear his voice. A very distinct voice he had. I can't even hear my mothers that clear. BTW... is was the only one who was allowed to call me "Shelly". :) A few years back he forewarned me about a guy I went on a date with. He knew that particular guy didn't want a family. Lets say we didn't go on another date. He knew how important it was to me. Thanks Uncle Jack for backing me up! Love you!
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