CANCER DID NOT WIN!!!!!

Nope, not this time.  For sure it compromised her quality of life but it certainly did not take it.  I took it. I decided it was time.  What a terrible choice one has to make.  I cried awful that day.  I had a significant meeting earlier which helped to take my mind off but when it came right down to it, I was a mess.  Some of you may say, why didn't you tell me???  I really have no good answer other than those who were in contact daily knew but it was very few that did.  But really it is not about you all... this time was about our family and our beautiful girl who is now an "angel flying high" as Mr. Pooter says.  Yes he asks about her and no I made no bones about telling him she was sick, that later she was going to be an angel, and that now she is an angel.  He may not understand the full magnitude but he understands enough.  He knows she is not here.  He has said to me a few times that he as seen her.  There are times when you feel like sharing and times when you don't.  Struggles for us can be private at times.  There was much of our fertility struggles that we didn't share because we were tired of hearing, "relax it will happen" and much more.  Once the feat was accomplished we felt a little better about sharing.  Although that was about illness and life, sometimes death, this time it was about illness and death.

We were ever so excited about the holistic treatment.  Many don't believe.  I believe.... this aided in the pregnancy of our sweet Pooter.  How can you deny that?  And animals don't lie.  Her tumor was actually shrinking!  It was even noticeable by the vet.  We could feel her jaw again and it was starting to dissolve under her tongue.  But I literally could not get her to take the pills anymore.  I remembered a dear friend whose father would turn their kitties meds into a compound.  (You know who you are lol).  I wanted to do that but by the time I thought of it, it was really too late.  Within a couple days of stopping the pills the tumor catapulted and grew 2 fold.  It was quick.  She started to have difficulty getting the food in her tummy and was getting upset about it.  It was decided right then and there.  No more.  No more cancer, no more pain, no more hunger.  Just lots of love and a compassionate choice that we cannot make for our humans.  Zoey crossed the bridge on  March 6.  So no... cancer did not win but neither did our hearts.  The circle of life sucks.

So yes, if you didn't think my holistic work was nutty, here is more.  Those who know me, know that I get into the spiritual world also.  Taken classes for it but haven't moved forward with it due to other priorities.  So I rely on others for now.  Below comes from a spirit communicator.  She has helped me find lost animals including the famous Izzy from years ago.  Oh god was that a traumatic feat of which I am so grateful for ALL your help!  I rather not go back to that horrific memory.  Haunts me to this day.  Sorry, I digressed.  So here is what my friend told me:

"Zoey seems fine.  This is what she says.

   My life has been wonderful.  I am happy it is over though.  I was  very sick and I could not eat. 

   My life is not over you know, the only thing that has changed is that I am not sick

  When you die you do not go under, you go up into the sky and into the next world.  Here is new life and new things to experience

  Michele  was a wonderful friend to me and I loved her."

I don't like that I am a "friend", but that is not the first animal communicator I have heard say that.  Animals view things so differently than us.   Just youtube "Abraham and Pets".  They explain so much about pets and death.  It is really quite interesting.  As I write this I can feel her fur on my face.  I do miss her so.  Dreamt of her last night.  She still hangs out on the steps going to her room upstairs.  She still sleeps in our closet of which I still leave the door cracked so she can get in and out.  I went to throw out her cat grass and cried.  Dave convinced me to not through it out because it was a plant and should live....sigh....  

Zoey ran over that bridge in seconds.  She was ready.

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The begining of the end???? I don't think so!

So much has happened.  It has been a few years since my last post.  I was so passionate about getting this blog up and running but life caught up with me.  I will definitely circle back on the past few years where our beautiful son was born, our beloved Bentley died and we bought a hop yard.  Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.  So here we are, fast forward a couple years.  February 25, 2017 where we fight for the life of our precious Zoey girl whom you have seen featured in past posts.

Here she is on day one of transitioning to a raw diet.  On Feb 7 I brought her in for a holistic vet visit as i found a mass under her jaw.  I suspected the worst and I have had too much experience and common sense about this.  Blood work came back and no sign of infection which confirmed my suspicions.  Friday February 10, she had a biopsy.  February 14 we received the news is was a fibrous sarcoma.... the very aggressive kind.  Since then, we have been on the mad dash to figure out how to treat.  I don't feel it is very humane to put her through chemo, radiation or further surgery.  I would only be doing it to satisfy my own angst.  The doc had the option to remove the mass during biopsy but felt it was too risky.

Over the past 10 days I have spend quite a bit of money and time figuring out the proper diet for her.  Kibble is out of the question now.  Carbs feed the cancer.  I am seeing great results around the ketogenic diet where there is zero carbs, high fat and lower protein.  I spent so much time looking for a canned food that she may like.  I found one but she doesn't eat it like her fancy feast which still has 1% carbs.  A few professionals told me if anything is going to save her it is strictly a raw diet not canned.  I tried a processed raw early on but she didn't touch it.  I also didn't try to transition her. Fast forward to yesterday, look at her eat raw mixed with her Fancy Feast (transition).  One of the workers at Benson's graciously helped me with how to transition and even gave some dried raw as treats to sprinkle on top.  She freaking gobbled it down.  So now we transition to just raw over the next few days and wait.  I feel like something has happened over the past week because I can now feel her jaw bone and I couldn't before but that may be a result of the surgery.

We have circled round and round about surgery but I really don't want a mess of a cat when all is said and done.  She still has really good quality of life still.  I can't do this again after Bentley.  I really hope this is works.  It has too!  Stay tuned.

Relay for Life 2012 - Scotia Glenville

Here is the picture I promised.  What a wonderful site.  I just have to get a new camera so I can take some really good pics.  I am not sure how many luminaria we had but it seemed there were triple from last year.  What a good time we had.  We all looked at our watches and all the sudden it was 11:30 pm!  OMG... what a fun and powerful night. 

This picture is the ceremony where we remember and honor our loved ones lost, still battling and SURVIVED!  Seriously if you haven't been to this you should do it next year. 

On another note, today I once again for the millionth time attempted at eating healthy in an attempt to loose weight.  I am almost afraid to weigh myself tomorrow.  I was turned on to another blog called....oh lord... i cant remember.  www.healthytippingpoint.com maybe?  Anyhow... she writes about EVERYTHING.... so why shouldn't I?  She kind of has a staple breakfast with oats, seeds and yogurt.  I tried it for the first time this morning and you would not believe how full it kept me for sooooo long.  I will definitely do that again.  I suppose I am supposed to take pics???  I better start eating better if I am going to do that. 

Also on another note... I am thinking about my psych development classes.  Fortunately I have been able to my new skills to help others.  I am thinking about continuing to level 2 but the commitment is huge.  I don't have to worry about it until October though.  In the mean time... self defense classes are on my list.  I am looking forward to someday karate chopping someone if I need to!  LOL

Start of Summer

One of these days I am going to figure out how to work this thing.  Alot has happened since my last post in November.... OMG NOVEMBER???? But I am not going to go back in time.  I guess I will start with today June 20, 2012.  Today is the first day of summer and boy is it a hot one.  I unfortnately spent it at a funeral this morning.  Thank goodness there was shade for some of the elders.  Over these past couple weeks we lost a couple Dads to cancer.  On friday night we honor those lost and those who are survivors at the Scotia Glenville Relay for Life (http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=18966803&pg=personal&fr_id=36860).  Donations are still being accepted by the way - eheeeem... reason for the link :).  I will have pictures posted shortly.  What an amazing event.  If you have ever lost someone to cancer, go to this event.  You will realize very quickly that you are not alone.